The Ways of Men

Warning: long

As I avoid packing half my life away I started thinking about all the ways that A. (Alejandro) tested me and if these things are a part of the Mexican culture or if they are just about... him. For example, he would tell me to call at a certain time, I would, but then he didn't answer. Eventually he might answer, but if not I would simply leave a message stating that I would be down town near his work and might drop by... no problema, but still, it seemed as though everything was on his terms. Now, this doesn't piss me off or anything because I actually happen to be quite easy going or passive, which, don't get me wrong, doesn't mean that I let anyone and everyone walk all over me, but I do not have a problem with embodying the "traditional female role", but also adding my own modern day twists here and there. : )

So there really isn't a problem here. It's just that I was wondering if this is typical of Mexican or Latin American men. I also realize that men are men and there are going to be differences and similarities with them no matter who they are or where they come from, but that still doesn't mean that a cultural background can't have any influence on how someone may turn out.

Another example is the fact that he was very impressed by my virginity and almost spoke of it as if I were a holy woman that should be worshiped or something. As I mentioned before, I was very flattered and happy to hear him speak of it in that way instead of the usual comments that I get:: "you're STILL a virgin??!!" "Isn't it hard to wait?" "Why?!" "Are you afraid of sex or something?" "You are obviously waiting for marriage then, huh?" "Doesn't that make you feel kind of left out?" Or, how about some guys that I've dated: "I'm very jealous so it works in my favor." "So... do you think I have a chance with you?" "blah blah blah" He did not think I was an alien from some distant land of prudes and it was clear that he was not just giving me his little motivational speech to get in my pants either. But, the fact that he WAS so obsessed (not in a creepy virgin hunter way) and impressed and amazed actually surprised me because after all, he's no virgin and he has a son. I mean, maybe I'm the only virgin he's known or had any kind of relationship with? He did kind of come across that way. He said that one of his best friends married a virgin woman who remained a virgin up until their wedding night and she was 25 years old. He did not, however, mention that he had been with virgins, but rather said that virginity is hard to find these days (makes me think I'm the only one he's "found"), and then this went right back to the whole "you are rare, beautiful, strong, inspirational........." kind of speech that almost made me tear up. Although I didn't actually cry, he did make me realize that I was about to make a HUGE mistake. Yes, I was seriously considering "losing it" to the guy that I'm currently seeing. That's right, the one who wants to take over my life. And that wouldn't have been all he would have been taking if it weren't for my friend, A. By the way, A. does not know that I am seeing someone so this was not his way of trying to sway me from someone else either. Just fyi...

The reason I'm bringing any of this business up again is because I know that there is this "machismo" and "marianismo" thing in Latin America. Not that everyone lives by it, but these are supposed to be ideals.

Apparently the marianismo woman is supposed to be kind, unassertive, whimsical, modest, virtuous, docile, emotional, instinctive, compliant and slightly vulnerable. Another typical trait of this woman is that she remains sexually pure until marriage.

Hmm...

I do not know what my sexual plans are HAHA, but the rest of that description kind of weirds me out. It sounds a bit like me and I noticed that when his friend was questioning me (yes, another BFF of his decided that he needed to check me out) he asked me such things like, "so you're quiet aren't you?" and when I replied with a timid "yes" he smiled and said something like, "I can tell and I think that it's nice." He also asked "you don't drink right?" (that one was probably him making sure I would never be like the crazy ex though.) Anyways, my point is that I think that I may have been going through some kind of "does she have the proper amount of marianismo to his machismo?" Q & A. : )


And his BFF was not the only one who questioned me a TON because as I mentioned previously A. questioned me and questioned me and QUESTIONED ME until I felt completely questioned out. And the next night I was with him after our entire (I'm going to question Kristy) day together I asked him if he asked me everything he wanted to at this time. He replied with a yes, which prompted me to ask him if he got the answers that he wanted, which in return sent me another yes, but this time it was more like an excited I now can not stop smiling... YES. Then later that night when I had to get back to my room I jokingly asked him, as I always do, if he was getting sick of me yet and he gave me this "look" (I don't know how to explain it... maybe a "baby, you are ridiculous look") and said, "No, never. I'm getting more anxious (emphasis on anxious) actually." He then leaned in to kiss me and therefore gave me a perfect ending to a somewhat confusing, but good and amusing night.


If anyone knows any more information on the culture or ways of Mexican/Latin American men, please feel free to share! I also would just love to hear about any superstitions or ways of thinking that may be different to us gringas, but are oh-so-adorable! : ) And, I repeat, I am not trying to generalize anyone in this post.


Besitos!