Ramblings

This all has to do with my quest in finding out who I am (isn't that the question of the day?) and what I ultimately want to do with my life. I will touch on many issues that hit home for me, issues that are simply concerns or interests of mine and I will also touch on the daily happenings of my life for my own personal purposes.

In the mean time, here I am:

I am a 19 year old college student stuck in the frozen tundra of Duluth, Minnesota who will turn 20 in March.

I am an only child, but don't have any more luck than the kids coming from the big families when it comes to parents.

I have a deep love and passion for cultures different from my own, which I think has somehow veered me toward the men from lands of sunshine and ocean. (This is one of my dilemmas.)

I plan on staying in Puerto Vallarta, Jalisco, Mexico this summer and then the summer after that and after and after and possibly starting my adult life there.

I fell in love with that city when I was about 6 or 7 years old and the love has only grown through out the years.

Because of that love I am slowly, but surely preparing for my stay by checking out various non-profit organizations that I could volunteer at, while also hopefully spending some more quality time with a very good friend of mine who may become an even bigger part of my life someday.

First, I need to evaluate myself as an individual and figure out exactly where I stand and the way I feel about relationships in general. I haven't had many and not for lack of options, but because I simply have not felt that connected with anyone. Although I know now that I will not be satisfied until I try something with el Mexicano because every time I think I have forgotten him, he sneaks right back into my mind.

I am currently seeing someone who has, without my permission, decided my future for me. He's a good, caring, handsome and interesting person and also comes from a completely different culture than I do, but I can't help but feel that he wants me "barefoot and in the kitchen", as my mother says. Honestly, this is not an issue for the far future (stay at home mom's = awesome), but it is a problem for the present.La otra problema es that when I was in P.V a couple of days ago, all I could think about was my friend, the Mexican. I only wanted to be with him and I now know for sure that I never want to lose him in my life and for an unexplainable or maybe easily explainable reason I feel as though I am ready to take the plunge into the unknown. We are both attracted to each other like lightening to a tree. I know it's there. He knows it's there, but where will it take us? That is something I plan on finding out.

Something else that may be too much information (but, I really don't give a damn) is the fact that my V-card is still owned by me. Problem? Well, the Mexican has had his share of experience (not in a slutty way), but he does have a son and is (get ready for it) 8ish years older than myself. I can assure anyone who cares that we have been friends for about 4 years now and are on very similar levels mentally. We think a like, but not to the point where it's creepy. Since last week he now knows about my current pure state and gave me a very unexpected reaction: disbelief. He tested me the night I told him by trying to see if I knew more than I led on to, but sure enough, I passed his tests with flying colors. I am a woman of my word and I stand up for what I believe in. No one told me that I should remain the way I am for this long. No person, church or anything else. This has been a personal decision that I have made for myself because there is only one right man for me and what is meant to be will always find a way. And, no, like I said before I am not some preaching religious fanatic. I don't judge people. People are free to do as they please, which therefore means that I am free to do what I please as well. I was actually worried about what my friend would think of me after he knew the truth, but he proved his friendship to me as I had hoped he would. He says that I should walk every day proud with my head held high because I am rare and beautiful. He almost made me cry. By the way, he wouldn't dream of trying anything on me now that he knows how I am. He, personally is proud of me and only wants what is right for me because he values me as a woman and a friend.

What will I do? I don't know, which is why I am choosing to let out my feelings here.

Step 1: Boy Who Is Too In Love With Me must go.

Step 2: Stay focused on school.

Step 3: Plan out my summer adventure.

Step 4: Make it happen.

Besos!