The Ways of Men

Warning: long

As I avoid packing half my life away I started thinking about all the ways that A. (Alejandro) tested me and if these things are a part of the Mexican culture or if they are just about... him. For example, he would tell me to call at a certain time, I would, but then he didn't answer. Eventually he might answer, but if not I would simply leave a message stating that I would be down town near his work and might drop by... no problema, but still, it seemed as though everything was on his terms. Now, this doesn't piss me off or anything because I actually happen to be quite easy going or passive, which, don't get me wrong, doesn't mean that I let anyone and everyone walk all over me, but I do not have a problem with embodying the "traditional female role", but also adding my own modern day twists here and there. : )

So there really isn't a problem here. It's just that I was wondering if this is typical of Mexican or Latin American men. I also realize that men are men and there are going to be differences and similarities with them no matter who they are or where they come from, but that still doesn't mean that a cultural background can't have any influence on how someone may turn out.

Another example is the fact that he was very impressed by my virginity and almost spoke of it as if I were a holy woman that should be worshiped or something. As I mentioned before, I was very flattered and happy to hear him speak of it in that way instead of the usual comments that I get:: "you're STILL a virgin??!!" "Isn't it hard to wait?" "Why?!" "Are you afraid of sex or something?" "You are obviously waiting for marriage then, huh?" "Doesn't that make you feel kind of left out?" Or, how about some guys that I've dated: "I'm very jealous so it works in my favor." "So... do you think I have a chance with you?" "blah blah blah" He did not think I was an alien from some distant land of prudes and it was clear that he was not just giving me his little motivational speech to get in my pants either. But, the fact that he WAS so obsessed (not in a creepy virgin hunter way) and impressed and amazed actually surprised me because after all, he's no virgin and he has a son. I mean, maybe I'm the only virgin he's known or had any kind of relationship with? He did kind of come across that way. He said that one of his best friends married a virgin woman who remained a virgin up until their wedding night and she was 25 years old. He did not, however, mention that he had been with virgins, but rather said that virginity is hard to find these days (makes me think I'm the only one he's "found"), and then this went right back to the whole "you are rare, beautiful, strong, inspirational........." kind of speech that almost made me tear up. Although I didn't actually cry, he did make me realize that I was about to make a HUGE mistake. Yes, I was seriously considering "losing it" to the guy that I'm currently seeing. That's right, the one who wants to take over my life. And that wouldn't have been all he would have been taking if it weren't for my friend, A. By the way, A. does not know that I am seeing someone so this was not his way of trying to sway me from someone else either. Just fyi...

The reason I'm bringing any of this business up again is because I know that there is this "machismo" and "marianismo" thing in Latin America. Not that everyone lives by it, but these are supposed to be ideals.

Apparently the marianismo woman is supposed to be kind, unassertive, whimsical, modest, virtuous, docile, emotional, instinctive, compliant and slightly vulnerable. Another typical trait of this woman is that she remains sexually pure until marriage.

Hmm...

I do not know what my sexual plans are HAHA, but the rest of that description kind of weirds me out. It sounds a bit like me and I noticed that when his friend was questioning me (yes, another BFF of his decided that he needed to check me out) he asked me such things like, "so you're quiet aren't you?" and when I replied with a timid "yes" he smiled and said something like, "I can tell and I think that it's nice." He also asked "you don't drink right?" (that one was probably him making sure I would never be like the crazy ex though.) Anyways, my point is that I think that I may have been going through some kind of "does she have the proper amount of marianismo to his machismo?" Q & A. : )


And his BFF was not the only one who questioned me a TON because as I mentioned previously A. questioned me and questioned me and QUESTIONED ME until I felt completely questioned out. And the next night I was with him after our entire (I'm going to question Kristy) day together I asked him if he asked me everything he wanted to at this time. He replied with a yes, which prompted me to ask him if he got the answers that he wanted, which in return sent me another yes, but this time it was more like an excited I now can not stop smiling... YES. Then later that night when I had to get back to my room I jokingly asked him, as I always do, if he was getting sick of me yet and he gave me this "look" (I don't know how to explain it... maybe a "baby, you are ridiculous look") and said, "No, never. I'm getting more anxious (emphasis on anxious) actually." He then leaned in to kiss me and therefore gave me a perfect ending to a somewhat confusing, but good and amusing night.


If anyone knows any more information on the culture or ways of Mexican/Latin American men, please feel free to share! I also would just love to hear about any superstitions or ways of thinking that may be different to us gringas, but are oh-so-adorable! : ) And, I repeat, I am not trying to generalize anyone in this post.


Besitos!

Oh baby what am I to do?

I decided to play my own little game with... let's call him Alejandro (the Mexican hombre). No, not his real name, but it's the closest I could come up with. Guess. 

I told him that I have something important to tell him, but it will have to wait till I am back in Vallarta on March 14. Sure enough I got a text today... "You don't wanna tell me now? You HAVE to wait till March?!!" 

Ohhhhh YES. It's going to be so much better when I tell him in person that I may stay the summer. I can't even wait. I honestly would just like to skip the next month, do the birthday business on the 1st of March and then take a big leap all the way to the 14. That would be ideal. Oh to dream... 

Unfortunately that would be me living in a non-realistic world, which I tend to do at times so I need to stay focused on the present and work toward what I want in the future. 

In other news: The Boy Who Is Too In Love With Me is coming over to the apartment on Monday. I honestly don't know what to do about him. It's not that I don't like him, but how can I like two people at once? That doesn't seem fair. Plus, I know that the connection between Alejandro and I was much more intense than anything I've experienced before and if we have held on to the thought of being with each other for THIS LONG with out letting it die, well, what does that say about US? Obviously we're friends and always have been, but there has always been something else. I used to push it away thinking I was crazy because of the age difference, the kid and the fact that he was seeing this Canadian girl. When a guy is in a relationship I wouldn't even dare to waste my time. But, all that time he told me his feelings about things, his relationship, his life... 

He tells me that even when he was with that other woman, he couldn't take me out of his mind. This may sound unfaithful, but considering the circumstances... she was rarely sober and he doesn't drink. What kind of a relationship is that? He just kept thinking that if he let her go, she would get hurt. Well, I say: so is life. And that's all in the past now anyways. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He kissed me in front of his co-workers! HAHAH just a little side note, but it made me rather excited because the place he works at is like high school all over again; cliques, gossip circles, bitchy ass people all over the joint... well, take that Ladies. Ese hombre es mio... almost. : )

I've been talking to my grandma a lot lately especially about these current developments. She doesn't see a problem with Alejandro at all, which was surprising because I thought she'd flip about the eight year age difference and about him being a father. The funny thing is that when I was walking around one of the malls in Vallarta with him he goes: 

"Kristy (I love when he calls me that), you turn 20 in March?" 

"Yes, 20. Why?" 

"Hoooly... are you sure you want to be with me like even go places with me? You know that I am 28 years old?" 

"Yes, I know how old you are, [insert name]." I love using people's names when I'm having a conversation. 

"Well, some people might think that's perverted." 

"Ok. That's other people. What do you think? Does that bother you?" 

"No no of course not, but I was concerned about your feelings." 

Honestly, people, I could care less. If I'm practically 20 and he's 28 then we can meet somewhere in the middle. I don't know how typical 20 year old girls are supposed to act, but sometimes I get the feeling I'm not one of them and that's fine with me. I can only be myself. 

Conclusion of the day. 

My bad...

HAHA I'm sorry. I just realized that it appeared in my first post that the Mexican's SON is OLDER THAN ME. I meant that THE MEXICAN is eight years older than me not his son. Now that would be a little too much for even me to handle. Everyone would be thinking... "Jesus, Maria y Jose! How old exactly is this guy... ?" Lo siento. Sometimes I have so many ideas swimming through my head that it's hard to sort them out into good solid writing. 

In other news, I am very excited that one of my lovely friends, Kayla, may be joining me on my Mexican adventure this summer! She came with me in our junior year of high school when we were both 16 and very immature so it would be amazing to see how we'd turn out down there now that we're practically grown women... : ) Oh- and if anyone happens to stop by for some unknown reason feel free to check out her blogs! She's quite the interesting gal on her way to becoming a midwife. 

That's about it for today. I just have a serious "bugaboo" (Thanks Destiny's Child) on my hands in the form of a boy and I'm waiting for a friend to get her car back so we can go for some caffeine in the form of coffee, which I happen to have many love affairs with. I need to get out of here so I can escape the never-ending ringing of my celly. Wish me luck. 

Mis fotos favoritas de P.V.

Little girls playing in the river. So freaking cute.

Like mother, like daughter? No, actually, but there's always someone in each family, no?

I'm sorry, this has nothing to do with Mexican anything either, but it was much too amusing for me to let it slide.

Oh- just a couple of crazies. : )

The best little bridge ever. Seriously, my aunt and I ran across it about 10 times.

Ocean view through a truck window

Along the beach

A mojito

Balcony of hotel overlooking Nuevo Vallarta (the hotel zone)

One of the many statues on the Malecon

The beautiful church

This was taken on January 6, which in Mexico is Dia de los Reyes Magos. In short, the holiday is a celebration of the three wise men's gifts given to the baby Jesus.

More soon. !!!

Ramblings

This all has to do with my quest in finding out who I am (isn't that the question of the day?) and what I ultimately want to do with my life. I will touch on many issues that hit home for me, issues that are simply concerns or interests of mine and I will also touch on the daily happenings of my life for my own personal purposes.

In the mean time, here I am:

I am a 19 year old college student stuck in the frozen tundra of Duluth, Minnesota who will turn 20 in March.

I am an only child, but don't have any more luck than the kids coming from the big families when it comes to parents.

I have a deep love and passion for cultures different from my own, which I think has somehow veered me toward the men from lands of sunshine and ocean. (This is one of my dilemmas.)

I plan on staying in Puerto Vallarta, Jalisco, Mexico this summer and then the summer after that and after and after and possibly starting my adult life there.

I fell in love with that city when I was about 6 or 7 years old and the love has only grown through out the years.

Because of that love I am slowly, but surely preparing for my stay by checking out various non-profit organizations that I could volunteer at, while also hopefully spending some more quality time with a very good friend of mine who may become an even bigger part of my life someday.

First, I need to evaluate myself as an individual and figure out exactly where I stand and the way I feel about relationships in general. I haven't had many and not for lack of options, but because I simply have not felt that connected with anyone. Although I know now that I will not be satisfied until I try something with el Mexicano because every time I think I have forgotten him, he sneaks right back into my mind.

I am currently seeing someone who has, without my permission, decided my future for me. He's a good, caring, handsome and interesting person and also comes from a completely different culture than I do, but I can't help but feel that he wants me "barefoot and in the kitchen", as my mother says. Honestly, this is not an issue for the far future (stay at home mom's = awesome), but it is a problem for the present.La otra problema es that when I was in P.V a couple of days ago, all I could think about was my friend, the Mexican. I only wanted to be with him and I now know for sure that I never want to lose him in my life and for an unexplainable or maybe easily explainable reason I feel as though I am ready to take the plunge into the unknown. We are both attracted to each other like lightening to a tree. I know it's there. He knows it's there, but where will it take us? That is something I plan on finding out.

Something else that may be too much information (but, I really don't give a damn) is the fact that my V-card is still owned by me. Problem? Well, the Mexican has had his share of experience (not in a slutty way), but he does have a son and is (get ready for it) 8ish years older than myself. I can assure anyone who cares that we have been friends for about 4 years now and are on very similar levels mentally. We think a like, but not to the point where it's creepy. Since last week he now knows about my current pure state and gave me a very unexpected reaction: disbelief. He tested me the night I told him by trying to see if I knew more than I led on to, but sure enough, I passed his tests with flying colors. I am a woman of my word and I stand up for what I believe in. No one told me that I should remain the way I am for this long. No person, church or anything else. This has been a personal decision that I have made for myself because there is only one right man for me and what is meant to be will always find a way. And, no, like I said before I am not some preaching religious fanatic. I don't judge people. People are free to do as they please, which therefore means that I am free to do what I please as well. I was actually worried about what my friend would think of me after he knew the truth, but he proved his friendship to me as I had hoped he would. He says that I should walk every day proud with my head held high because I am rare and beautiful. He almost made me cry. By the way, he wouldn't dream of trying anything on me now that he knows how I am. He, personally is proud of me and only wants what is right for me because he values me as a woman and a friend.

What will I do? I don't know, which is why I am choosing to let out my feelings here.

Step 1: Boy Who Is Too In Love With Me must go.

Step 2: Stay focused on school.

Step 3: Plan out my summer adventure.

Step 4: Make it happen.

Besos!